I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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