She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
