man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
