I got chris browned last night
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
