You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
