So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
