it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
