I'm jealous of your bromance
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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