I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
