Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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