Have you finally orgasmed yet?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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