You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize