yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
