I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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