We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I need to sanitize my soul.
Randomize