i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
My life is pants optional.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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