I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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