I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
