wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
