There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
honey bunches of taint.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
