she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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