I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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