Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
