if you like me you must not know who I am
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
