I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
