He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
