You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
