i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
