Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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