I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize