That's intense
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
