He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
