Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
