i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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