I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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