i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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