Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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