omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
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