the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
