Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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