woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
