My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize