my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
