Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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