remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
