I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
