You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
