Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
