Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
The feeling are messing with the penis
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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