Buhtt sex?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize