so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
