he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
