You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
