R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
