I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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