I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
