Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize