I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He passed out mid-signature
they call him Oral-B. enough said
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
