I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
We have started to decorate penises.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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