Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
