my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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