it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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