Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
