We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize