You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
