I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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