That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize