remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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