why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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