I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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