M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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