please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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