you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
