i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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