well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
