You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
