i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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