They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
