just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
