his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
