I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I haven't been this sober since birth.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
