I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
