i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize