Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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