Tell her she can't have a vagina
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Randomize
