Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize