$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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