it was like fucking gandolphs beard
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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