Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
