Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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