Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
