Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You need a sexual gate keeper
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
