mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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