Cold hands, warm shart.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
