didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
