I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
