KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize