Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
