i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
