I feel great
I just peed on a car
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
