I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
