omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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